Back yourself - Stop the self doubt

I've heard from clients and friends that they feel unable to find contentment in life or in work/business.

This lack of contentment in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living can consume us and make us stagnant - afraid to move forward because we don't think we can!

One of the many things I’ve learned over the years is that we are capable of much more than we give ourselves credit for. Too often though, we underestimate ourselves (particularly we women!) and shy away from situations that put us at risk of falling making a mistake or of not being perfectly executed. And when we do, we beat up on ourselves and interpret our missteps as our own inadequacies. Which, of course, they are not.

Do you think that you getting in your own way?

Do you sometimes feel like you're on the outside looking in?

Comparing yourself to others' lives and successes yet your own fulfillment and contentment are more available to you than you think.

Recognising and acknowledging the obstacles of not backing yourself is the start.

The truth is that no one is born with immunity to self-doubt or fear of failure or success.

Let's look at ways we can back ourselves so that we can get contentment and fulfillment back into our lives -

1. Are you your own worst enemy?

Do you criticize yourself constantly? Stop it! I hear you say it's easier said than done though.

The truth is, thoughts, even unconscious ones, are not set in stone and can be changed. It's time to start to take notice of how you speak to yourself.

Ask yourself, if you spoke to your closest friend like you do to yourself do you think it would energise her or distress her?

Once you can see for yourself how you berate and criticize yourself, you can start practicing better internal conversations.

Stop telling yourself you’re not capable/good/confident. You will never have it if you keep telling yourself you lack it. Watch your words.

2. Are you a people-pleaser?

It's not necessary to make sure everyone around you is happy all the time. In fact, when you speak up for yourself and stay true to your needs, people will respect you for it that much more even though you will have fall out.

While it's important for many of us to be liked (guilty!), it's also essential to understand that if you have people-pleasing tendencies, you may feel like you don't deserve to live your life as you want to. If you give more than you take it may feel awkward at first to remind yourself that you deserve contentment and fulfillment.

Play with the idea on a smaller scale, like if your meal didn't come out as you ordered it at the restaurant, let the server know, rather than eating something that was not prepared the way you ordered it. And then build yourself up to the bigger things like asking for what you want.

And don't forget to ask yourself for what you want and need ... And I don't mean answering with a 'yacht on the Med and a squillion dollars' I mean ask yourself 'What do I need right now?'

3. Are you engaging in all-or-nothing thinking?

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if one thing doesn't go your way, that's just how it's going to be in every area of life. That is simply not true. We all encounter challenges in life, and yes, sometimes they may seem insurmountable.

Catastrophising helps no one. One incident does not make everything else useless or all future attempts pointless. Think, this too shall pass.

Take small steps. What’s the ONE thing you need to act on? The first step to get you

started? Don’t get stuck in overwhelm.

4. Do you under estimate yourself?

When you underestimate yourself, you not only get more anxious about the challenges you’re already facing but you naturally shy away from pursuing bigger ones. In the process you sell yourself, and others, short. Everyone misses out! Having faith in your capacity to solve your problems as they come along can spare you untold stress while enabling you to pursue new challenges that give a deeper sense of meaning, excitement and purpose into your life. All

too often we think we need to have some brilliant plan before we take on a challenge that is far bigger than us; that we must have all the answers before we start out. We don't!

How are you willing to show up?

Confidence in your ability to take action while you are shitting yourself.

Everyone is scared at times. Do it anyway.

5. Are you afraid of failure or success?

We've all felt it, no matter what level of success we've achieved. When you feel that fear coming on and it's stopping you from taking the risks necessary for you to achieve your goals, give yourself a"reality check" for your fear. Play out the worst and best case scenarios in your head.

Often when you really look at what is the worst that can happen, you realize that yes, maybe you'll lose a little money or time, or even worse, feel embarrassed or take a dent to your ego. But you might also find that even in the worst case scenario, you'll not only recover, but you'll have learned about yourself, and be one step closer to fulfilling your dreams.

The 'What If?' Questions are very powerful when teamed up with positivity!

6. Get into making decisions -

What’s the one decision you need to make right now?

Don’t let fear get in your way, what would you love to do? Think big.

Think you can’t fail, you will only learn. You may learn that it didn’t work out. Ask why? What did this teach you for the next time?

“Most People live in a very restricted circle of their own Potential Being. We all have reservoirs of Genius to draw upon of which we do not dream”

William James 1899

Most people live in a very restricted area of their own potential. Ask yourself,

How could I expand my life and my potential?

I challenge you trust that you have all the resources you need within you to handle your current challenges and to take on new ones that will enable you to do more, be more and give more. (Then tomorrow, repeat!)

“ Don’t wait until you have it all figured out. Rather trust yourself that you’ll figure things out as you go along. One step at a time. One day at a time. And if needed, one minute at a time.” Emma Issacs

You are capable of far more than you think and can contribute more the you know. We all are. Having the courage to believe that (because that’s exactly what it takes) can totally shift your life because it can expand the possibilities that become available to you.

So let me ask you, if you risked letting go the self-doubt and trusting in yourself more -

What new goals would you take on?

What changes would you make?

What chances would you take?