Losing your work identity...

What is your reply when you meet someone and they ask 'So, what do you do?' or 'Where do you work?' and do you ask these questions of others?

When you are working or are a stay at home parent/care giver it's easy to answer 'Oh I am an accountant' or 'I am a full time stay at home dad for my 3 kids' however what will your answer be when you no longer have this full time commitment in your life?

Losing your 'work' identity (whether its voluntary or in-voluntary) can feel like you have been burgled! Like someone has stolen something from you and you feel you will never get it back.

When I use the term 'work identity' I refer to both paid and unpaid work - as an employee or care giver for your family or anything that gives you an identity, something to wake up for.

Work identity becomes part of your worth, your being however many often confuse what they are with what they do. Once the 'what they do' goes away many lose sight of who they are.

Don't let this be you. Your work identity isn't a fixed quality that is only expressed by a particular job or role.

Creating and adjusting to a new 'work Identity' can be unsettling and stressful. You may say "I don't know who I am anymore", you may feel that you can't move forward because you are always looking at the past, you may feel stuck/undone/lost or you may tread the path of worthlessness and doubt yourself and your abilities.

Let me tell you, if you feel or say any of these things consider yourself as being in 'transition'.

Whatever you thought you were or think you are is no where near who you really are and now is the time to find out who that real you is.

No more 'work identity' which 'pigeon holes' you into a role, no more placing limitations on yourself - this is the time to seek opportunities and look at the possibilities for you to thrive.

As we age many want to stop going through the seemingly mundane motions of everyday life and want to start living a life of passion and/or purpose. Many want to start contributing to their own existence and many want to leave a legacy of their worth.

So, now that I have given you the what and why let's look at the how.

How can we start to gain a new identity that replaces the 'work identity' which has been stolen from us?

Let me introduce you to VINTAGE - my acronym for a process to find your new identity, the new identity that you can sing from the roof tops as being YOURS -

V - Values I - Individual N - New Identity T - Test A - Adjustment G - Grow E - Engagement

Now, let's go through each step in more detail -

V - Values I have a full post on values and finding yours together with resources so that you can find your values. Check out blog number

Example/tip - I have though-fullness as my number 1 value. I appreciate that not all people are thoughtful however I live my life with this value. I gravitate towards people who have this value, I appreciate and am grateful when it is shown to me. It makes me happy beyond measure. Once you find your values and you know that you live by them - living congruently - move onto the next step.

I - Individual You are unique and individual and what suits one person doesn't necessarily suit you. Don't try and live by other peoples' successes or your view of them. Everyone is different (thank heavens) and as such it's up to you to seek opportunities and examine possibilities that excite and arouse you! Don't try to copy others, look at ways to forge your own path.

Example/tip - Your friend gets very engaged in political conversations and you feel you envy her so you try and participate when you are in her company. You stress yourself out before you meet, reading up on the latest political trends and stories. OMG you are wasting time focusing on her not you. What excites you? What do you want to talk about? What are your strengths? Find out and work on them.

N - New Identity. Start a journal and write down your ideal day, what it consists of, who you see, what you say and how you feel. Write down what excites you and what fills you with life... Do the exercise of finding your passion. Visualise how it will be when you live with passion - how will you speak, who will you be around, what will you look like...

Example/tip - Journaling and visualisation has been so god for me. With visualisation I used a technique that many athletes use - visualise that you won. I feel my visualisations when leaving a past relationship helped me be the person and live the life I do today. Don't discount it until you try it.

T - Test your new identity Dip your toe in and walk the walk. Go and be that person. If it's not what you thought it would be, start again! Rome wasn't built in a day and let's be honest, what have you got to lose?

Example/tip - If you love reading and giving to others and have decided that you would like to volunteer your services to the local library for a children's story time then DO IT. Go to the library, make the connections, ask about the process - at the very least get the ball rolling.

A - Adjustment You may have gone through the other steps and feel something just doesn't fit yet, keep trying. Seek those opportunities, try to talk about what you want to be and do with others. Share your thoughts on carving this new identity. Do research and see where this has taken others. Tweek your thoughts and possible identity and find one that fits like a glove.

Example/tip - Start a little group of like minded friends and talk about ideas and plans you all have. Consider it your monthly book club and be honest with each other.

G - Growth Once you start looking at possibilities anything can and probably will happen. The saying goes 'as one door closes another opens' this is your other door. Think of it as a doorway to anything. If you don't open it you won't see or find anything. In gardening for growth to happen you first need to plant the seed, you need to nurture that seed, feed it, water it and from a seed you can reap so much. Never look at this new identity as a one off thing, something you just do, instead look at it as a seed that you continually nurture and you will reap the rewards.

Example/tip - A friend found she was at a stage in life where she wanted to do something for herself. After the kids went to high school she had some time and decided because she loved cooking she would sell Thermomix... she is killing it! She doesn't say she is sales because she demos and gives info and recipes out but because she is so passionate about her cooking and how she has mastered the Thermomix, people buy from her. Not only is she doing what she loves, she has a new income stream!

E - Engage in your new identity Leaving behind the old you so to speak is daunting. Unfortunately, or fortunately, this is something we have no or little control over. Taking action is by far the best remedy for feeling like you have been robbed or had something stolen from you. Getting in the drivers seat and becoming this new 'you' is the only way you will know if you want to be that person. I know that some people may not like it - may be your children would prefer you to be a nanny for their children for example - but it's time to stop saying sorry to everyone and start owning your new identity.

Example/tip - Upon retiring a beautiful lady relocated with her husband about 2 hours drive from family and friends. This was all the husbands plan (a very astute plan financially) and he had such grand plans - he was going to turn his physical health around, joining sporting clubs etc etc. The husband didn't do a thing, infact he became less active and more house bound leaving her isolated and alone. This is not the life she had envisioned. Playing to her strengths she took the bull by the horns and did what made her happy... she met people. She went and checked out possibilities to volunteer with a charity, joined a ladies gym and made the effort to travel almost fortnightly to see those friends and family she left behind. This lady turned around what could have been a disastrous retirement into one that is fulfilling for HER. She now lives the life she wants (even though she would prefer to be closer to family) and now her zest for life is rubbing off on her husband and his health is better and he is more active. Win.win.

You will have to do some work so that you can gain clarity on what you want for your life. Know that it is not set in stone, you can change, you can evolve and most important you can be YOU.

So, when someone says to you 'So, what do you do' what will you answer???

I hope you enjoyed this post and I would love to hear your comments or hints and tips on replacing your work identity.

Until next time, bye.

Dawn PS - A tip I practice is when I meet someone new I ask 'So, what do you do with your time?'...