Identity - the tale of two hats

We all wear different hats... especially as women - worker, business woman, mother, lover, caregiver, taxi driver, teacher, friend, sister, housekeeper, handy woman, the runner, the fitness enthusiast, the cyclist so so many hats -

These all reflect our social identity - things that help us find our place in the world. They change depending on who we are with. We can wear many of these hats at once. We meet like minded people and we fit in. This makes us feel good and accepted. It's our social identity.

We also have our personal identity - the traits that reflect who we are, our uniqueness and our values, history, strengths and heart centred self.

Our personal identity creates the foundation for our social identity. It's really important to live true to your personal identity because -

- The world may miss out on what we have to give;

- It's harder being someone we're not - it takes more effort;

- We attract people into our life that resonate with who we are;

- We get to know our good/bad and strengths/weaknesses;

- When we know our values and live by them we truly connect with who we are;

- We accept everything about who you are.

The balance can be a challenge. The expectations of those around you and the boundaries you set for yourself play an important part in you living your personal and social identity to the full.

Our identity should shine in the decisions we make and in the way we show up in the world. This isn't always the case. There are many reasons that we don't show up as ourselves -

- You don't know who you are or where to start;

- It's easier being someone others want to see;

- We make excuses so that we fit in with what others want;

- We fear being ourselves because of the possible fall out.

Digging deep to find out your values will help you find out your personal identity as will bringing those values into the decisions you make on a daily basis.

4 key tips -

1. Surround yourself with people who YOU want to be around -

-It's easy to be around people you THINK you want to be around BUT who do you get the most from?

- They shouldn't judge:

- You should be able to speak your truth and trust in yourself around them;

- No comparison-itis here:

- If you feel pressure to be a certain way that's a RED flag - do something before you get to entrenched it's harder to move away;

- Stop trying to fit in or seek approval.

This goes for your intimate relationships too...

My challenge to you is to reflect on those around you. Ask yourself if you need to be someone you are not in their presence? Ask yourself if there is anyone who takes from you instead of adds to you? Can you let anyone go - even a little?

2. Don't stop what you love doing....

This is BIG. Many women have forgotten what they like doing.

- Stop falling into what everyone else wants!;

- Ask yourself what do YOU (name) LOVE doing NOT what you think others want you to love doing:

- It's not easy work - dig deep, do the work, do the do...

- Try something new - Blaze Aid comes to mind... Give before you get... be of service in something you like doing ... Get curious;

- Ask yourself 'Have I morphed into my partners wants and desires?' I know I did. If the answer is yes, work out what brings you joy and start doing it.

My challenge to you is to have a deep reflect into what makes you smile... Ask yourself 'What does (Your name) love doing? What did (your name) love to do? How did those things make you feel? It isn't a quick exercise but it will help you find out what YOU like to do with your time - things that give real joy.

3 - Be selective in your media and learning consumption -

Consuming is not the same as learning. We have all bought $19 courses off the socials and never done them, some even spent $1000's and never complete them. Do we ever learn? It takes up too much of our precious time to consume all that is around us - you know workshops, the next big thing, Scrolling that leads to comparing, email subscriptions that promise to make you $$$$ in zero time.... Get selective and commit to what you do want to learn.

- Do you subscribe to everything?;

- How many people and groups do you follow?;

- Are you following who YOU want to follow or because you seen your friends follow them?;

- How much time do you spend looking at others' social pages? What excuses do you make o justify the scroll?.

My challenge to you is to clear the decks - Start again metaphorically.

Go off socials for 2 days... see how much time you regain.

Pick up a book instead of the phone/device.

Learn something new.

Unsubscribe - get that inbox looking like its for YOU not for the whole street!

4. I will finish with STOP asking for permission - from yourself or others -

Make a decision and do it. Don't ask, stop asking, don't be needy or a punish. It's hard when you are used to asking (directly or indirectly) for permission and when you do it gives away your power.

If you find it hard putting yourself first, start the day saying 'Today I've got X planned, what about you?' If someone throws a challenge or obstacle at you say 'OK, I'll do X after you finish Y' or 'How about you do your thing now and I'll do mine and we can meet in an hour?'... empower yourself.

If you need to be flexible then be flexible but do it.

When it comes to our identity its important to know what you want and what your values are.

Check out my FB Group The Female Identity Project for more insights and guidance or let's have a free identity breakthrough chat.

Dawn Walton is a coach to women who have lost sight of who they are. Dawn helps women re-ignite their identity through building confidence, setting boundaries and honouring commitment & connection to themselves so that they can achieve purpose, reach their potential and bring zest back into their lives.