Stuck? In a rut?

Stuck? It isn’t the best feeling in the world when we feel overwhelmed, confused, wanting to be at step 5 and you’re only at step 2 or just plain “stuck” – it happens to the best of us! It can be hard to get “unstuck” on our own, especially when our thinking patterns stay the same and we feel we’re on on the hamster wheel of life, going nowhere but putting in the effort! So, why do we get stuck sometimes? The reason we get stuck could simply be that real life gets in the way or life doesn’t always go according to plan - your plan/your blue print of how it should play out doesn’t match what actually happens! I’m a planner (at times to my detriment when I stall on taking action!) and when things don’t go to my plan it’s because I don’t always have control over the outcomes of everyday life. At the end of the day, life is not always delivered in a step by step fashion or maybe life just isn’t fair sometimes. Let me tell you about my latest plan that didn’t pan out - I said to my partner I wanted to spend 3 afternoons (ok 2 to 3 hours after I finish my chores and before picking up our toddler from daycare) working solely on my life coaching business and taking solid time out for me! (I even joined the local leisure centre and started exercise classes for ME) It seemed easy... I felt empowered talking to him about it. I knew I wasn’t ‘slacking’ in other areas of life as a mum, partner, business owner/operator and felt no guilt. Then school holidays hit, my toddler (and I) got sick and my partner took on extra work. I couldn’t do what I had ‘planned’ ... at first it overwhelmed me and made me feel like I wasn’t living my values and walking my walk then I rationalised it... health is more important, our holiday business pays our mortgage and allows us a level of financial freedom and that’s where I have to dig deep when periods like school holidays and busy times come around. So, I have now adapted my plan... I can’t take this hours when I have rooms to clean first or when I need to mend if I’m sick or have to look after my son... I will take those hours when they fit ... this makes me feel so much better! What are the many reasons we could get stuck - •       We simply cannot accept the outcomes of a situation, adapt to it and move on. •       We believe we should be something or someone we are not - just yet. •       We’ve compromised our values and settled for less. •       We’re creatures of habit, we get into a comfort zone and are afraid or unwilling to step out of it. •       We feel guilty or shameful about being stuck so we beat ourselves up.   Negativity only reinforces whatever is not working and keeps us stuck. •       We repeat a pattern over and over again, thinking “this time” the results will be different, but they never are. In fact, many times they get worse.

No matter the reason you feel stuck - In fact it doesn’t really matter how you got there what matters is you are now aware you’re stuck so now what do you do? I’m all about taking action - some action, one step, a change in direction - so, what action can you start to take?  •       Acceptance - When we resist accepting things for what they are vs. what we want them to be, we fight it. Our feelings become negative and we blame ourselves, others, anything and this can spiral into destructive emotions. As part of the Acceptance look at rationalising the situation, taking all emotion out and putting your ‘practical’ head on. This works for me. •       Chunk it down - Looking at the whole situation can be really overwhelming and create overthinking (analysis paralysis comes into play so much so that you cannot even contemplate taking a step forward). Ditch the perfectionism and just start... Start with small manageable changes and as they compound you will see change for the better. •       As my dear friend Zoe would say ‘give yourself a check up from the neck up’ - sort out your attitude - Stop looking at situations as problems, think of them as challenges or always look for solutions.   No matter how bad things seem in your eyes there are solutions. Try and focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong; this will give you an energy boost to move forward. •       A problem shared is a proven halved - it’s an old adage but it works. Just venting helps you escape your ‘head’. No matter how focused, clever and hardworking you are, you got into this situation probably on your own. Just getting your thoughts on paper, shared in a non-judgmental arena or voiced anonymously so you can hear opinions is a great place to start. We all do the best we can with what we have to work with at that moment in time. Share your issues instead of feeling like you have to do something alone - you’ll be surprised at what hearing another opinion or view can do for your thinking. Over thinking means we can lose our objectivity and confirmation bias sets in. Share and see... remember you don’t have to take on board anyone else’s views! •       Screw it lets do it - We all know that Insanity is often defined as “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”. If you want a different result, do something different! Get out of your comfort zone, deviate from your big plan and take the scenic route, get curious, look at new and different areas - be willing to look outside the square! Your end goal may change! That’s ok.

We all get stuck from time to time. Sometimes the longer we stay stuck the more we think this is our normality and we just settle for it! If you really want to get unstuck you will need to change - it is possible as long as you are willing to make it happen.

Much love - Dawn