The 6 mistakes I see people make when they set boundaries

Setting better boundaries can feel like an uphill struggle, there’s so many things to think about... I know you won't want to hurt people in the process … but getting the foundations right is vital to better boundary living. I know this only too well.

I too used to walk on egg shells in a past life. I used to just 'give in' and push my own needs and wants to the side, I wasn't happy. I used to think making others' happy would make me happy...

I had no boundaries, I mean NONE!

Today it's different for me and it can be for you too.

These are some of the mistakes I see when people try and set boundaries -

✅It's not important enough to you – Unless your boundary is something that you really really want to have, do or be then you won’t push past the fear of setting and enforcing them. You’ll give in easily and feel like you have failed;

✅You’re too vague when it comes to it – You need to be clear, especially the first time, this is something new for your partner, family, friends, work to understand, they are not mind readers and you shouldn’t expect them to read between the lines - they don’t know what they don’t know;

✅You’re too flexible – To begin with you need to be firm and a little inflexible to instil the new way of treating you. Later once they’ve got the understanding you can start to be more flexible. If you become too flexible, too early, they’ll think that it’s not important anymore.

✅You think everyone will respect them – Yeah… and no they won't. Not everyone wants to see you shine and soar. Some may not think they are standing in your way but there are people who are not going to like you standing up for yourself… if you have been a people pleaser around them … they will want the old you back!!;

✅You’ve only set it once – A boundary teaches people how to treat you, they’ve been used to a different way for so long that it’s become a habit, it’s an automatic habit. Now you need to train them into a new habit – and as you know that takes time and repetition;

✅You apologise for setting it - Are you really taking yourself seriously? This doesn’t show that you believe in your boundary yourself. So, if you don’t why should they? A casual brush off of a boundary doesn't reinforce it in your mind either. Stop apologising for them.

If you struggle with any of these, it may be why your boundary setting and keeping has been less than great in the past.

I believe we all have a bit of people pleasing in us, don't let setting boundaries be too hard because you are still trying to please everyone around you!

Which mistake have YOU been making? Drop me a line here

Dawn x

Dawn Walton is a coach to women who have lost sight of who they are. Dawn helps women re-ignite their identity through building confidence, setting boundaries and honouring commitment & connection to themselves so that they can achieve purpose, reach their potential and bring zest back into their lives.

Check out my FB Group right here... The Female Identity Project